Sunday, June 25, 2006

The Fundamental Irrationality of Soccer

Though I've always preferred American sports, I do enjoy watching and playing soccer, but I may have to reconsider. The Weekly Standard has published an article arguing that playing soccer is contrary to human nature because the use of hands is forbidden, and, more importantly, the head is used as a club. Much as I hate to say it, he's got a point. I may just to rethink my opinion of . . . What's that? WHAM!!!

Soccer is the most beautiful and ingenious sport ever contrived by man, requiring the most athleticism, intelligence and natural talent. Life is meaningless without soccer, just a black hole of nothingness, a dreary abyss of chaos. Soccer is order and goodness and truth. The universe only makes sense when viewed through the prism of soccer.

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